“And if she ever hid who she actually was, it was only so that she could be granted entrance into worlds she couldn’t otherwise reach, worlds that should rightfully belong to everyone, not just those who happen to uphold the prevailing standards of whiteness and womanhood” (Talusan, 2021, p.167)

As I was reading this week’s chapters, I was amazed by how Talusan— as the narrator, was opening herself to the reader more and more. Even though she still struggles to be open about herself to the people around her, I— as a reader— am able to understand why she’s having difficulty expressing her past. Obviously, when we hide something, we have a reason to do so, either good or bad. This quote had me reflecting about how many standards this world has. We all live on the same planet together, yet everyone in different locations have so many expectations whether about gender, personalities, or race. Talusan happens to struggle finding this sense of belonging. Born as a man, she’s supposed to be more masculine as society expects men to be, but she leans more towards being more feminine, which to her feels like she has to hide it from her family in order to avoid judgement.

I relate to her in finding this sense of belonging. I remember in middle school, I would see my classmates be so extroverted and open with each other, meanwhile, I was the quiet one. Even the teacher wondered why I didn’t talk a lot and asked me to join them on the dance floor in prom. I rejected her request and while I was sitting, I started questioning if I had to be someone like them in order to fit in instead of feeling like an outsider. Why did it annoy me every time someone asked me why I was so quiet? I didn’t know the answer during that time, but now, I know that it was because this made me feel like I needed to meet their expectations. I didn’t talk because I was shy, it was because I literally had nothing to talk about with the person. I didn’t dance because I was shy, it was because everyone on the dance floor wasn’t close to me in any way, so how could I feel comfortable to go there and dance? Sometimes, I did end up faking my personality to be this extroverted person people wanted me to be, but I knew that wasn’t me. I never enjoyed being that person. We shouldn’t have to be someone we’re not just to uphold the standards the people in this world want to consider “better.”

Citations

Talusan, M. (2021). Fairest: A memoir. Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition

*omar. (2007). Social Rejection. Flickr. Retrieved November 10, 2021, from https://www.flickr.com/photos/omernos/379393085/in/photolist-zwum6-2m3FxaT-2maBVzt-2kYWFFb-2iPq4SF-2jKwiXE-2kog9Bi-2jjpcrn-2iQtWbB-2m39P4e-2iuyGpx-2jTEYbo-2j8Rvvc-2iJTc2c-2jLuxDm-2jMrhM1-2iVHHqT-2iVDott-2jGDk65-2jMVh9v-2iNGvxH-2iTe11a-2jfHH2t-2ipz8sC-2ipz8ur-2jN6Pmv-2j9Nput-2hU2Rsj-2jggmVR-2iPs48L-2jLz28q-L2tkZd-2meVTHm-2ieoPoi-2jGgDFj-2jkhEom-2jCTR7p-2irgkgP-2ig9HZP-2igdenQ-4FDfqA-2jggmCX-2jACidm-2jDfSvN-2ig9J34-2hRpdAv-2hFNYZ9-2jQmCrY-2hJVJcC-2jQi5zu.