Tag Archives: Meredith Talusan

Fairest: Crossing Bridges and What Ifs

“Yet maybe I needed to cross this many bridges to get to a state where even if there emerged other bridges I would want to traverse, I was finally satisfied with staying put, because I now know there’s no such thing as the single best, the single fairest life” (Talusan, 2021, p. 308)

For the final section of pages— coming towards the end of the book— Talusan reflects a lot on her journey to embracing herself without caring about anyone’s opinions. One thing that I’ve seen her do throughout the book is touch on the idea of “What if.” Starting from when Nanny Coro advised her to go to America instead of staying with her in her hometown because she might regret it later. Even though staying in the Philippines is what Talusan really wanted to do. All the “bridges” she crossed— as she likes to use as symbolism— made it hard for her to return to the way she was before. She says she could’ve “stayed in the Philippines and become a doctor,” or stay with Ralph as a man, and this would’ve been a happy life (Talusan, 2021, p. 307). However, when she chose her decision in these situations, it was hard to come back to this “could’ve” that didn’t become a reality. She ends the book by saying that no matter how difficult it was, it was necessary to cross these bridges— these obstacles, because now she “was finally satisfied with staying put” (Talusan, 2021, p. 308). She was finally at a place where she felt like she could stay, even if it’s not the fairest because there’s no such thing. The way the book ended inspired me to take a look at my life differently. I’m very similar to her where I fear being judged. But I’m not staying put in this uncomfortable position. I’m working on ignoring what other people think about me, and just do what I do without a care in the world. I shouldn’t have to mold myself in order to fit into the social norms just to satisfy others.

Bridge

Citations

Gallagher, C. (2012). Bridge. [Image] Flickr. https://flic.kr/p/cfM4Dj. 

Talusan, M. (2021). Fairest: A memoir. Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition

Fairest: Social Norms

“And if she ever hid who she actually was, it was only so that she could be granted entrance into worlds she couldn’t otherwise reach, worlds that should rightfully belong to everyone, not just those who happen to uphold the prevailing standards of whiteness and womanhood” (Talusan, 2021, p.167)

As I was reading this week’s chapters, I was amazed by how Talusan— as the narrator, was opening herself to the reader more and more. Even though she still struggles to be open about herself to the people around her, I— as a reader— am able to understand why she’s having difficulty expressing her past. Obviously, when we hide something, we have a reason to do so, either good or bad. This quote had me reflecting about how many standards this world has. We all live on the same planet together, yet everyone in different locations have so many expectations whether about gender, personalities, or race. Talusan happens to struggle finding this sense of belonging. Born as a man, she’s supposed to be more masculine as society expects men to be, but she leans more towards being more feminine, which to her feels like she has to hide it from her family in order to avoid judgement.

I relate to her in finding this sense of belonging. I remember in middle school, I would see my classmates be so extroverted and open with each other, meanwhile, I was the quiet one. Even the teacher wondered why I didn’t talk a lot and asked me to join them on the dance floor in prom. I rejected her request and while I was sitting, I started questioning if I had to be someone like them in order to fit in instead of feeling like an outsider. Why did it annoy me every time someone asked me why I was so quiet? I didn’t know the answer during that time, but now, I know that it was because this made me feel like I needed to meet their expectations. I didn’t talk because I was shy, it was because I literally had nothing to talk about with the person. I didn’t dance because I was shy, it was because everyone on the dance floor wasn’t close to me in any way, so how could I feel comfortable to go there and dance? Sometimes, I did end up faking my personality to be this extroverted person people wanted me to be, but I knew that wasn’t me. I never enjoyed being that person. We shouldn’t have to be someone we’re not just to uphold the standards the people in this world want to consider “better.”

Citations

Talusan, M. (2021). Fairest: A memoir. Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition

*omar. (2007). Social Rejection. Flickr. Retrieved November 10, 2021, from https://www.flickr.com/photos/omernos/379393085/in/photolist-zwum6-2m3FxaT-2maBVzt-2kYWFFb-2iPq4SF-2jKwiXE-2kog9Bi-2jjpcrn-2iQtWbB-2m39P4e-2iuyGpx-2jTEYbo-2j8Rvvc-2iJTc2c-2jLuxDm-2jMrhM1-2iVHHqT-2iVDott-2jGDk65-2jMVh9v-2iNGvxH-2iTe11a-2jfHH2t-2ipz8sC-2ipz8ur-2jN6Pmv-2j9Nput-2hU2Rsj-2jggmVR-2iPs48L-2jLz28q-L2tkZd-2meVTHm-2ieoPoi-2jGgDFj-2jkhEom-2jCTR7p-2irgkgP-2ig9HZP-2igdenQ-4FDfqA-2jggmCX-2jACidm-2jDfSvN-2ig9J34-2hRpdAv-2hFNYZ9-2jQmCrY-2hJVJcC-2jQi5zu.

Fairest: Choices & Personal Growth

““Your life will be better in America.” “You don’t know that,” I insisted, old enough to understand that Nanay Coro had no idea what America was really like, except for blind faith and colonial brainwashing” (Talusan, 2021, p. 100)

From the pages we read this week, I’ve come to see how Talusan has grown up. She’s made it clear how her understanding of many things has grown and how some of this influences her choices. Though there was one choice that really showed her growth in her understanding of America. At the beginning of the book, we see her fantasizing about going to America and being able to fit in with the people who look like her, in a place where she won’t be considered the different one. However, now that she has the choice to move to America, she doesn’t want to leave her grandmother at all. Nanay Coro comforts her and tells her to go because she will have a better life in America than in the Philippines. Talusan had already reflected upon gazing at the white man who helped them set up their documents, stating that she no longer liked the Americans “who every day decided on the fates of [them] brown people pleading to be let into their country, a situation they themselves created when they conquered [them] against [their] will, used [their] land and [their] hands for free to enrich themselves” (Talusan, 2021, p. 99). This whole piece is important to mention because this is her realization, the conclusion she came to after learning about American history. This is how she views them now, and the reason why she would rather stick with her roots instead of feeling like a traitor and going to America.

Another example of her growth is when she demonstrates how she’s come to understand why her parents act the way they do. Her father’s cruelty in Nanay Coro’s old age was revenge for ruining his life when she forced him to marry Talusan’s mother (Talusan, 2021, p. 91). He resented his mother a lot, and didn’t love the woman he married, which Talusan understood why he was absent in her childhood. On the other hand, with her mother, Talusan already knew her story, but didn’t understand until she got to America that her mother had no choice but to marry her father because she was already pregnant with Talusan, and in a culture “where unmarried mothers were the very symbol of moral failure” made it even harder for her to raise a child as a loving mother is supposed to (Talusan, 2021, p. 118). Although Talusan has come to understand the reasons behind her parents’ actions, it doesn’t change the way she feels about them. She’ll choose to understand them, but not forgive them. I believe that that right there shows her growth from the close-minded Filipino child she was at the beginning of the book to the more open-minded college student in America.

Citations
Talusan, M. (2021). Fairest: A memoir. Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Fairest: Point of the Story

“Except: I was no longer a son, no longer a man. I became more aware of this as groups of gay men, mostly aging or aged, circulated around me” – (Fairest, Meredith Talusan Page 14)

When Meredith states this in her memoir, it reminded me of the research I did about her beforehand. She said that in her book, she wanted to reveal all her obstacles in life and not just about her transition from being a man to a woman. This phrase proved that she did just that. She went straight to the point in the prologue, it didn’t take the whole book for the reader to find out about her transition. In other words, I can tell that the memoir as a whole will not be just focused on this type of transition, but in others as well.

Going forward into the reading, she starts speaking about the importance of beauty in everyone. Even how it affects the “gayness,” race, and femininity in a person. Before reading the book, based on the research we did, I already knew this was going to be one of her main points in the memoir. I just didn’t know how exactly she’d introduce the connection between beauty and being transgender. After reading this quote, it became clear to me as to how Talusan would write out her memoir. Not only would her book focus on becoming trans, but also on her past, and the obstacles she had to encounter as someone who didn’t accept themselves and basically had to lie to themselves.

BuzzFeed Hires Trans Writer And Activist Meredith Talusan | HuffPost Latest News

Pick A Book Activity

Many authors have their own unique ways to present themselves to the audience. To be more specific, their very own way to present their stories through their writing. In class we’ve been given the opportunity to do our research on any of these authors: Jaquira Diaz, Meredith Talusan, and Kiese Laymon, before choosing one of their books to read. At the beginning, I was interested in reading Ordinary Girls by Jaquira Diaz, but I found myself researching more about Meredith Talusan. I’ve come to the conclusion that I would like to read Fairest by Meredith Talusan because it will help me know more about the transgender population.

When I first laid eyes on the books, I really loved the color Talusan used for her book cover. Turns out there’s a meaning behind the way it is designed, which I learned while annotating the article named “The Cover of My Face,” written by Talusan herself. In the article, she expressed the idea of how so many trans authors would put their face on the cover of their memoirs, and it was a common trend. She did her own research and found out as to why this might be the case. To the authors, they are well aware that by putting their face in their covers, it attracts more people because they focus on the looks of the person. On the contrary, that’s not what Talusan wanted her readers to focus on. What I loved about her is the fact that she is capable of putting herself in her reader’s shoes in order to see what her readers would understand from her memoir. The eyelash on her cover is simple but it very well represents who she is even without a photo of herself. The white background also demonstrates how her skin is white and how even that factor takes a part of her life experience or transition.

According to her, her memoir is not only about her transition to becoming trans but also the many transitions she’s been through in her whole life. Madeline Ducharme, a Slate assistant producer for podcasts, had interviewed Talusan about her memoir and in the published online magazine, Talusan described that she felt pressured into writing her book only about her trans experience. At the time, she felt as though people were more interested in that subject and wouldn’t really care about anything else in her life. Just because she’s trans, it shouldn’t be the only reason as to why people are interested in her. She’s a human being, and she has gone through other problems she would love to share. I am glad that in the end, she did end up writing about her other transitions- besides becoming trans- in life like from being a rural to urban citizen, or from being poor to being in a relationship with someone rich. In her book I’m curious to see what other problems she encountered before discovering her gender identity. In other words, I’m genuinely curious about who she is because there just aren’t that many authors out there that care about their readers.

While reading a book review she read and wrote about, I analyzed the way she searched in depth of Sarah McBride’s way of writing. Many people would say that McBride’s important moments from her book was the fact that she made “public history” with it, however, what Talusan sees as her important moments is the many private moments McBride went through in her personal life with the people around her during her transition, you could say. For Talusan, it’s the fact that McBride was able to find her voice through her tough experiences. She continues and explains that this is what she would want the readers to focus on. She points out the different messages in the review in order to communicate just how the readers would interpret it. This caught my attention in general because if she pays attention to the interpretations the readers would make, then that means her goal in her memoir is to be able to speak the right message through to her audience.

Meredith Talusan picked a good book cover for her memoir Fairest because she caught my attention even without putting her face in it. After doing research on her, the symbolism behind her book cover, the consideration she gives to her readers, and idea of writing about who you are and not completely giving the public what they want, are reasons as to why I choose to read her book.

Bibliography:

Ducharme, M. (2020, May 26). Do queer memoirs have to be political? Slate Magazine. Retrieved September 13, 2021, from https://slate.com/human-interest/2020/05/meredith-talusan-fairest-memoir-interview.html.

Talusan, M. (2020, March 13). The Cover of My Face. Guernica. Retrieved September 20, 2021, from https://www.guernicamag.com/the-cover-of-my-face/. 

Talusan, M. (2018, March 25). Lost in Transition. The New York Times Book Review, 18(L). https://link.gale.com/apps/doc/A532125861/LitRC?u=cuny_ccny&sid=bookmark-LitRC&xid=5916dc9c

Meredith Talusan’s Transitions

In an online magazine, published by a Slate assistant producer for podcasts named Madeline Ducharme, she interviewed Meredith Talusan about her book “Fairest.” Tausan speaks out that being known as this ‘freak’ as a kid for not looking Filipino, has been an advantage to her but has also damaged her. Since she was judged by the way she looked, it gave her courage to embrace herself and accept who she really was to show everyone she didn’t care, though it was a painful journey at the same time. As she mentions, in her memoir she felt pressure by thinking that she needed her book to be trans-related because that’s what people were more interested in. However, she ended up not falling for it and wrote about most of the transitions she went through in her life, not just about becoming trans. For example, her transition from being a rural to an urban person, or from being poor to being in a relationship with someone rich.This interview really opened my eyes further about Talusan’s book because it talks about her experience in general and the different struggles she went through. Using the CRAAP test, I was able to find this source reliable since it was posted a year ago, and the information said in this magazine was edited in order for readers to truly understand Talusan’s responses.

Ducharme, M. (2020, May 26). Do queer memoirs have to be political? Slate Magazine. Retrieved September 13, 2021, from https://slate.com/human-interest/2020/05/meredith-talusan-fairest-memoir-interview.html.

Class 03 (Sept 2): It’s always something isn’t it?

Good morning, all. I hope the big storm that has closed campus today has not affected you, your homes, or your loved ones in any major way. We had a big leak in our apartment but nothing a baking sheet and a garbage can couldn’t handle.

Anyway … today’s class continues where we left off Tuesday. That day, we introduced a reading practice (previewing) and a technology we’ll use to perform that practice (Hypothes.is). I asked you to broaden the evidence you’ll draw on to make your “Pick a Book” arguments in a few weeks by reading and annotating “The Cover of My Face” by Meredith Talusan. For Sept 9, you’ll read two other pieces, “La Otra” by Jaquira Diaz and “Quick Feet” by Kiese Laymon. These “group reads” give us a shared context to explain our individual arguments. More on this over the next few classes.

Campus is closed today due to the storm but we also have some scheduled days off coming up. There is no class due to holidays on Sept 7 and Sept 16. In campus-being-open news, though, our first in-person class meeting is scheduled for September 9, next Thursday, in NAC 5/108. Hopefully the city won’t experience a plague of locusts, a meteor strike, or a visit from the Stay-Puft Marshmallow man between then and now…

I look forward to hearing your reactions to Talusan, and to reading the blog posts you’ve included for today. You’ll respond to each other between now and the 9th.

If you’re not on our course site, please email me ([email protected]) from your Citymail account so I can invite you. If you’re not on Hypothes.is, please follow these instructions (https://web.hypothes.is/quick-start-guide-for-students/) and join our group (https://hypothes.is/groups/qwY42A5B/engl210-fall-2021).

As always, I’m around on Zoom before and after class, and on email whenever possible (replies within 24 hours, but faster at this time of semester). See you soon!