After years of instability and violence the pain and struggle caught up to Diaz. After another violent fight with her mother, Diaz took her mother’s pills in an attempt to commit suicide, but her mother found her and called an ambulance. After realizing she was still alive she said, “I am eleven and I am alive”(Diaz 149). The fact that Diaz was so young when she first tried to take her own life illustrates the impact the instability of her life was having on her mental health.

 The second suicide attempt was also due to an argument Diaz had with her mother. In the heat of the fight her mother said, “you are small, you are nobody, you are nothing” (Diaz 185). When Diaz began taking all of her mother’s pills her mother did not notice. This story shows both the fragile mental state of Diaz and of her mother. Her mother was having a schizophrenic episode and Diaz had a fragile state of mind that was pushed over the edge after her mother began both verbally attacking her and then physically attacking her with a steak knife. 

The years of instability from her mother’s condition and the violence led to Diaz dropping out of high school and moving out. When she realized she, “was failing at life” (Diaz 212) she decided to join the military. After her time in Boot Camp she felt true pride and accomplishment for the first time in the midst of a chaotic past. “The pride I felt when I crossed that finish line. How until that moment, I didn’t know I could be that strong, didn’t really believe I could be saved” (Diaz 228). 

Citations

Díaz Jaquira. (2020). Ordinary girls: A memoir. Algonquin Books of Chapel Hill.

Wikimedia Foundation. (2021, October 29). United States Navy. Wikipedia. Retrieved November 9, 2021, from https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Navy.