You marched into your room, went in the closet, and came out with a belt. You brought one lash down across my shoulder. You brought another lash down across the front of my stomach. You went on and on about ruining the only chance I had to get free.
Laymon, 2018, 138
Laymon writes a lot about making huge advancements but then eventually crashing. The prejudices his professors and other classmates felt towards him and the other, few, Black students was extremely prevalent. They were accused of plagiarizing in English classes more than once (125). It’s clear that this PWI that touted itself as a liberal college, was run and occupied by racists. They didn’t even need to hide their racism because they knew they would face no consequences since they were the majority and this was their regular routine. To me at least, it’s clear that Laymon’s grades suffered because of everything he was enduring at this school. Not only was he being subjected to racism and death threats by his fellow schoolmates, he was also facing inner turmoil and hurting himself in various ways. This was not an easy experience for him, and his grades and his body suffered because of it.
When reading the quote on page 138, I just felt shocked. Laymon has already established that his mother would abuse him if he didn’t do the things she felt were right, but the fact that she still beat him after everything he had gone through was unbelievable. Especially since she had commented on his weight gain beforehand, you would think that she would connect the dots about why he had gained so much weight and had done badly in school. He had been successful and was able to publish different works of his in the school newspaper, but everything else he did was disappointing. He flew too close to the sun and was punished for it, by those unknown to him and those who were supposed to love him no matter what. Punishing him for what she sees as shortcomings and failures is why he’s the way he is. He will not be molded into this perfect person, because a perfect person does not exist. At the end of this section, it’s just clear that he needs more help than he’s ever gotten and a loving hand that doesn’t come with abuse.
Dear Ashely,
This was also very shocking for me to read as well. Laymon was dealing with so many hardships both in school and his personal life. You can see and feel all the pressure he felt coming from all aspects of his life. His mother always wanted perfection while Laymon clearly tried to live up to tho expectations in his own way his mother failed see his attempts. She basically completely disregarded his physical and emotional well being in order to get him to be version of him she desired.
best ,
luis