The last part of Talusan’s story focused on her journey to realizing what she wants for herself and going through with transitioning to be a woman. She began content with her life with Ralph and started getting into artistic hobbies, such as photography, when her writing wasn’t getting accepted anywhere. She got curious about herself and the inner part of herself that needed to be feminine and feel beautiful. This confusion and constant battle within herself led to many obstacles, such as Ralph taking issue with her wearing make-up when going out to see his friends and her falling for Richard, a straight man that their mutual friend began dating. Everything ended up falling apart, with her losing close friends and not understanding what she wants. It wasn’t until looking at a photograph of herself that she realized she wanted to be a woman, not partly but whole. Her decision cost her Ralph since he couldn’t be with a woman. She reflected upon her path and paths that could have been taken, only to realize she would rather have gone down this path to be her true self, even if she could have been happy in the other paths.
Talusan had to sacrifice a lot during her journey towards discovering herself. She sacrificed her love with Ralph in order for her to be a whole woman. This sacrifice hurt her and Ralph and she even considered not going through with the transition for him. However, she states “I would lose the person I love most, so I could love myself better.” (Talusan, 2020, pp. 283). She benefitted from the transition by allowing herself to be free instead of still being restricted as a feminine man. Society wouldn’t accept her that way, so although she loses Ralph, she can be free.
Transitioning involves making lots of sacrifices. Friends can be lost, people can view you differently, or in Talusan’s case, you can lose the one person you love in the world. I had to think of it all as I contemplated if this was even a good decision or not. Would the consequences benefit me more? Or would it hurt me and everyone else more? Would I be beautiful and flourish? Or will society just throw me under the bus even more for the way I look? Does this mean the sacrifice was never worth it at all? In the end, I chose to not risk it. I had to sacrifice a lot to get to where I am now. To sacrifice the way Talusan had, I will never have that type of strength. While I don’t agree with her decisions for parts of the book, I respect her will to make herself happy so she doesn’t have to hide for the rest of her life like others will. Like I probably will.
Carulmare. (2008). CARAVAGGIO Sacrifice of Isaac, 1601-02 [Online image]. Flickr. https://www.flickr.com/photos/8545333@N07/2236990792
Talusan, M. (2020). Fairest: A Memoir (pp. 230-308). Penguin Books.
In the last pages of the book, she does start reflecting on herself and how the sacrifices she went through were worth it in the end. Though she wanted one thing that already made her happy, it did not make her whole. Would she have been truly happy if she had stayed with Ralph? She knew that wouldn’t be the case, and even Ralph had admitted that to her, no matter how much it hurt him to let her go. It did take a lot of sacrifices, but in the end the happiness and satisfaction she earned was worth it.
Now that we’re college students, we have every right to decide what we want to do with our lives. Even Talusan felt that way because she separated herself from her family. No matter how much she loved Nanny Coro, and how much she would’ve liked to stay with her, she still chose to leave. That’s when her journey began. Are sacrifices worth it? If we sacrifice something, it is usually because we think something better will come out of it, and that’s up to us to create. Are sacrifices hurtful? Yes, they are, but there’s always a purpose for it. Should you give up on being the better you just because of other people’s approval? If we are all human beings and live in the same world, why are we so quick to judge others? Why do we let other people shape our identity? Because of fear? Why should that fear block us from wanting to do the things we want? Is what we’re doing really bad, or is that just a label that society puts on it?