Author Archives: Yingrong Yang

Overcoming

Upon finishing Heavy, I have a greater appreciation for the way Laymon ended the book. Picking up from his eating and exercise addiction in part 3, Laymon did not write about how he immediately fixed his problem in part 4. In fact, Laymon became anorexic, weighing 159 pounds with 2 percent body fat (p.207). I was surprised as I read this because I was wondering if Laymon plans on ending his memoir in a somewhat happy conclusion. As I continue to read, however, I realized that Laymon was resisting the “deficit narrative.”

Laymon remained authentic by not framing his story into the traditional mold of a deficit narrative. He had eating disorder but he did not immediately recover into a lean person. In fact, he gained more weight and was in even more misery. He also became addicted to gambling like his mother. Laymon had a heart-felt conversation with his mother about his weigh and addiction. In some ways, we can see the conversation as useless because both continue to struggle with their addiction and did not fully open up to each other about their thoughts. On the other hand, we can see that conversation as the beginning of a journey where true communication happens. This conversation opened up the relationship between the two and eventually helped Laymon to write his memoir. What I liked about the memoir is that is feels very real and raw. Laymon honestly show readers people’s persistent struggles and flaws.

Self Worth

In the third section of the book, Laymon describes his experience in Millsaps college. His initial reaction was an overwhelming sense of freedom away from his mother. Laymon is trying to develop his sense of identity in this new environment. In high school, he hung around with people in his community and purposely use contractions to strengthen that identity. However, he was told by his surrounding peers that he should begin to use words like “fantastic” if he wants to blend in with the overwhelmingly white majority in Millsaps.

Laymon tries to make sense of the experiences in his life such as learning about patriarchy, feminism, racism, etc. He tries to make sense of them on paper but also in real life as well. Laymon tries to build up his self-worth through writing papers on Millsaps’ institutional racism which displeased many people, including his mother. I think in Laymon’s perspective, he is trying to make sense of why his mother who encouraged him to write for his people would ask him to stop writing. Laymon has always been a big writer throughout his life and he has experienced many things. Writing has been a way for him to internalize his experiences and use them in a way to uplift people in his community. I think Laymon is trying to build his self-worth in this way. Of course, we see that he still struggles with his self-image as he develops an eating and exercise addiction.

Heavy: Identity & Social Expectations

In the second part of the book, black abundance, readers can see Laymon’s character development. We see his development as a writer when he began to use writing as a way to make sense of his life and what is going on around him. As he is revising, he is forced to sit down and reflect on those events.

Laymon is constantly surrounded by social expectations. As a black person in a predominately white private school, teachers and students expected him to be dumb. Laymon and his black friends would play into this by making up contractions and purposely saying them out loud. Laymon also faces social expectations as a black man to date a black girl instead of a white girl. His relationship with Abby Claremont was disapproved on both sides of the family and most likely race. It was interesting to see that Laymon was called a “sellout” by his friend as if his race was defined by who he dates and how he acts. Similarly, Taulsan also struggles with her social expectations as a male. As mentioned in Kevin’s Post on gender expectations, Taulsan was expected to be masculine. Hence, she would work out in the gym to have that idealized muscular body shape. Both Laymon and Taulsan tried to follow their social expectations but they are miserable as a result.

Heavy: A deeply personal memoir

In the first few pages of Heavy, I immediately noticed that this memoir is deeply personal and touches the reader’s heart. Laymon uses daily day-to-day language form in simple sentences. He writes in a way that addresses his mother as his first intended audience. Through this way of writing, it is as if readers are listening in to what Laymon has to say to his mother, his closest friend, and everything in the entire world.

Due to the fact that Laymon’s father does not seem to be present in his life, Laymon is deeply close to his mother and sees her as his closest companion. Laymon and his mother are almost like friends as exemplified through their actions such as going to the casino behind the grandmother’s back and playing tennis (Laymon, p.3-4). Despite the close relationship Laymon has with his mother, his mother is not without flaws. Laymon’s mother deeply cares about Laymon by protecting him from white people. She tells him to avoid contractions when speaking and disapproves of his relationship with a white girl we know later in the book. These things that his mother does to protect stem from the fact that she deeply cares about him. However, they can be damaging to their relationship as well. Hence, Laymon decides to write the truth instead of a “lie.” (Laymon, p.1) Even though it is hard and Laymon wanted to write about shallow topics, he is still determined to talk about the hard truth.

Laymon, Kiese. (2018). Heavy. New York, NY: Scribner

Picking a book-Heavy

Following the recent resurgence of social justice movements for people of color, I’ve come to a realization that I had never read a memoir of the black experience in America before. Many of what I know was broadly from the textbook, news, or interviews. I was motivated to hear an authentic narrative of the experience of an African American in America because it is important to learn and understand the lives of the minority. Hence, I choose to read Heavy in order to know more about the author Kiese Laymon’s struggle in the context of being African American in America.

Upon looking at the book cover, I was drawn to the way the title of the book was displayed. The title was only one word, but it carried a lot of weight. This was demonstrated visually by the fact that the title took up the majority of the space, leaving the name of the author and awards he won to the side. It is almost as if the author does not want us to focus on himself or the awards he won but on the narrative of the author. The singular title, Heavy, connotated that Laymon, like many in his community, carried something huge on his shoulder that was overbearing. This sense of burden immediately reminds me of my family. As a first-generation immigrant family, we also kept a lot of our struggles to ourselves and rarely share them with others. We wanted to relieve this burden but it was difficult to do so. Thus, I was curious how did Laymon find the courage and willpower to relieve his burdens by revealing his secrets?

In a book review done by Jennifer Key, Key praised Laymon’s authenticity and honesty. Laymon’s narrative differs from certain biographies where the authors sugarcoat their struggles and attain peace through hard work. He is also uninterested in writing about a false sense of improvement in the lives of African Americans and improvement in equality in America. Instead, Laymon opens up his deeply hidden secrets, such as his eating disorder and exercise addiction. Although readers might not have similar conditions as he did, Laymon’s act of burying his secrets is universal to everyone. His honesty throughout the book is uncomfortable to hear, but Key explains that it is necessary to hear this authenticity to move on from our dark past, as well as America’s dark past. For instance, Key is candor about his mother who although had good intentions of protecting him was only hurting him instead. When asked by the audience if Laymon likes his mother in a reading done by Politics and Prose, he responded, “… I do not like the fact that sometimes my mom beat and abuse me under the auspice of trying to stop me from getting beaten and abused by white people… I do like my mom but like every child in this nation, some days I don’t like some of the things my mama has done to herself or to me.” Laymon also does not shy away from the fact that he was also guilty of following his mother’s footsteps in his romantic relationship, even though he abused in a different way. I really appreciated that Laymon was extremely honest in his memoir. He recognized and vocalized the flaws of people he loved and himself. Yet, he still loved them and worked to reconcile those flaws.

Work cited

Key, Jennifer. “Heavy by Kiese Laymon (review).” Prairie schooner 93.2 (2019): 189–190. Web.

Laymon, K. [Politics and Prose]. (2018, December 18). Kiese Laymon, “Heavy: An American

Memoir” [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fw2k_60xb-c&t=253s

Kiese Laymon on Heavy

In a reading done by Politics and Prose, Kiese Laymon reads an excerpt from his book Heavy. Kiese Laymon himself read excerpts from his books and answer questions from the audience at his reading. In the reading, he read an excerpt about his experience dating a white girl when he was a senior in high school. He is honest when recounting how his mother, being deeply disapproved, berates and beats him for being in such a relationship. When asked by the audience if Laymon likes his mother, he responds, “… I do not like the fact that sometimes my mom beat and abuse me under the auspice of trying to stop me from getting beaten and abused by white people… I do like my mom but like every child in this nation, some days I don’t like some of the things my mama has done to herself or to me.” Laymon also does not shy away from the fact that he was also guilty of following his mother’s footsteps in his romantic relationship, even though he abused in a different way. I really appreciated that Laymon was extremely honest in his memoir. He recognizes and vocalizes the flaws of people he loved and himself. Yet, he still loves them and works to reconcile those flaws.

Laymon, K. [Politics and Prose]. (2018, December 18). Kiese Laymon, “Heavy: An American Memoir” [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fw2k_60xb-c&t=253s

ENG 210- New Beginning

Dear all,

I am excited and eager to be in this class with you all. We all came into this class with different backgrounds and experiences. Some of us are first-year students trying to adjust to the new college life while some of us have been through the process. Some of us have never been in a skilled English writing class while some of us have been through many. Some of us are thinking about pursuing writing more seriously in the future while some of us just want to know how to write decently well. Whatever the case is, I know that all of us are eager to improve ourselves through ways of writing. All of us want to become better critical thinkers and look into issues through different lenses. All of us want to sharpen our writing skills and never cease to stop our writing just because it is “good enough.” All of us are trying to do our best in this yet again new period of online learning.

One of my main goals in this class is to be a better writer. I did not start writing at a higher standard until my junior year of high school when I took an English composition class. I learned a lot about writing but was not able to get a lot of personal feedback from my teacher during the pandemic and got a little “lazy” in the process. I think all of us as writers have amazing ideas, but we don’t flesh them out. I hope that we give each other helpful feedback and encourage one another to do our best. I know that I will do well seeing that I have such respectful classmates and a professor who is so eager to work with us this semester. I look forward to the wonderful discussion that we bring to the table.

Regards,

Yingrong Yang

Reading the World as a Text (Fall 2021)

ENGL 210 at The City College of New York, Fall 2021 (Prof. Dalton)