A now 18 year old college freshman Kiese Laymon navigates the world of mental health, race, sexuality, and the complicated, blurred relationships he has with his body and other people around him in the third section of his memoir. He talks about what it’s like being a black boy in a predominantly white college institution and how that impacts his connections with literature and writing, as he struggles to find a balance between staying true to his “Mississippi black boy” identity while also manufacturing a version of himself that is designed to keep white people comfortable. Contrary to his previous relationship, he finds himself in a relationship with a young black girl, with whom he develops a real connection with. However, Laymon spends most of his first year of college depressed, causing him to turn to eating in order to cope. Over the summer, he then physically exhausts his body as he feels his small body is more appealing, and less threatening, and he will receive the love from those he desires to be loved by.  

In this section of the memoir, Laymon seems more self destructive than ever. Not only is he aware of it, but he wants to remain ignorant to it as he wants to tell himself a lie like he stated before. He carries so much internalized trauma in so many areas of his life that he destroys himself mentally, emotionally and physically. For example, when a friend of Laymon tells him he might be suffering from depression, instead of acknowledging it, he stigma of mental health and the narrative that it is solely a “white people problem” He doesn’t even realize the emotional eating he does is a coping mechanism and how much he is destroys his body by eating until he nearly vomits, for him to over exert himself, by not eating and doing strenuous exercise to quickly drop the weight a few months later. How does one go from cycling between hating and loving themself so quickly and frequently and where do we draw the thin line between the two? The reading just made me disappointed more than anything to see yet another black man have so little value for himself. It’s sad to see the destruction of your own people when there are so many productive things we could be doing to save ourselves.