““Your life will be better in America.” “You don’t know that,” I insisted, old enough to understand that Nanay Coro had no idea what America was really like, except for blind faith and colonial brainwashing” (Talusan, 2021, p. 100)
From the pages we read this week, I’ve come to see how Talusan has grown up. She’s made it clear how her understanding of many things has grown and how some of this influences her choices. Though there was one choice that really showed her growth in her understanding of America. At the beginning of the book, we see her fantasizing about going to America and being able to fit in with the people who look like her, in a place where she won’t be considered the different one. However, now that she has the choice to move to America, she doesn’t want to leave her grandmother at all. Nanay Coro comforts her and tells her to go because she will have a better life in America than in the Philippines. Talusan had already reflected upon gazing at the white man who helped them set up their documents, stating that she no longer liked the Americans “who every day decided on the fates of [them] brown people pleading to be let into their country, a situation they themselves created when they conquered [them] against [their] will, used [their] land and [their] hands for free to enrich themselves” (Talusan, 2021, p. 99). This whole piece is important to mention because this is her realization, the conclusion she came to after learning about American history. This is how she views them now, and the reason why she would rather stick with her roots instead of feeling like a traitor and going to America.
Another example of her growth is when she demonstrates how she’s come to understand why her parents act the way they do. Her father’s cruelty in Nanay Coro’s old age was revenge for ruining his life when she forced him to marry Talusan’s mother (Talusan, 2021, p. 91). He resented his mother a lot, and didn’t love the woman he married, which Talusan understood why he was absent in her childhood. On the other hand, with her mother, Talusan already knew her story, but didn’t understand until she got to America that her mother had no choice but to marry her father because she was already pregnant with Talusan, and in a culture “where unmarried mothers were the very symbol of moral failure” made it even harder for her to raise a child as a loving mother is supposed to (Talusan, 2021, p. 118). Although Talusan has come to understand the reasons behind her parents’ actions, it doesn’t change the way she feels about them. She’ll choose to understand them, but not forgive them. I believe that that right there shows her growth from the close-minded Filipino child she was at the beginning of the book to the more open-minded college student in America.
Citations
Talusan, M. (2021). Fairest: A memoir. Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
Talusan has grown as she got older, and not just with age. She has grown as a person by tackling the fantasy of America and learning about the truth of her parents. While she was still in the Philippines, she was more attached to her culture and community that she didn’t look up to the United States anymore. If she had the choice at the time, she may have chosen to stay in her home. She refuses to see Americans as better than her or her community. Also, she learned that her mother and father were forced to be married because their culture did not allow unmarried pregnant women. She understood why they were distant from her, but it hurt her. Their ignorance doesn’t excuse their actions for a majority of her life.
However, while she grows in some areas, she seems to go back to what she learned as a child, specifically the fact that she was praised for being white. Looking white made her special for many people, especially her grandmother. However, being white doesn’t automatically equal being the best. She did learn to acknowledge and love her culture and where she grew up, but she seems to have forgotten all that growth during her obsession with being white. Is being white still seen as an advantage? Is it not just in the Philippines but also here in the United States? Is it okay to let go of traditions like Talusan has? Is her obsession justified if she’s trying to avoid discrimination and prejudice?
Her family became an issue that Talusan didn’t seem to want to deal with. This is seen when her grandfather passes away and she doesn’t reach out to her grandmother. It is difficult to reach her, however, she did say there was a way, a chance, to communicate with her. However, she doesn’t take it. She decides to let it go and go back to what she was doing in America. Her failure to reach out to her family is an example of her letting go of her past and what she claimed to have accepted before she left the Philippines. Do you think she regrets this decision? Should she have focused on her family or on her own path? Is it okay to never be able to forgive someone (even your parents)? What are the consequences of either forgiveness and hate?