The night Kamala Lackey told me her secrets, I promised I’d never sexually violate or sexually abuse any woman or girl on earth. The existence of that promise was enough to excuse myself for lying to Abby Claremont and any other girl who wanted to have sex with me.
Laymon, 2018, 103
This particular section was a lot to take on. Laymon discusses his relationships with women and how he treats them. In the quote above, he touches on his promise to never secually abuse/violate women or girls. Throughout “Hulk” Laymon brings up all of the situations where the girls around him would want to have sexual intercourse while they were drunk and how uncomfortable it made him, “Usually, I said no because my body told me it was wrong” (94). His understanding of consent and how the lines get blurry when one is drunk made Laymon disregard all of the advances women made towards him while intoxicated. I wonder if a part of this came to be because of the things he saw occurring at Beulah Beauford’s house. While he was mindful of keeping his hands to himself during these moments, it didn’t stop him from hurting women in other ways.
Although Laymon promises to never hurt women sexually, he still allows himself to hurt them by becoming a liar. I feel like the most unnerving part about him lying was that he took pleasure in it. When Laymon is crying over Abby, he tells his mother that it’s because her and his father didn’t try to make it work. When she begins to cry and apologize, it makes him “smile and tell more lies” (98). Now he’s lying to his mother and all the other women and girls in his life. He is being encased in toxicity and gets pleasure from it. Since no one knew the truth about what he was doing he was still allowed to be and looked at as a “good guy” (103). It’s shocking that he is only sixteen years old and doing all of this. The contrast between 12-year-old Kiese and 16-year-old Kiese is staggering. The signs of being a liar have always been there since he was young, back then he would lie to save himself from trauma and I think that his trauma is still shaping his actions at this stage, however, it doesn’t excuse the pain he is and will cause to others.
I don’t know what Laymon was trying to convey by explaining that he wouldn’t take advantage of women sexually, but that he was also a liar. I think that in a way this is to show that at the end of the day he is just a human who has flaws. He isn’t a superhero like Hulk, there will be many things that he does that are wrong from a moral standpoint. Also, since he is writing this memoir as a letter to his mother, it might serve as an exposé of sorts. He’s letting her know all of the harm that he caused people because he enjoyed lying to women. I wonder how long he will continue to thrive off of being a manipulative liar throughout this memoir.
